Writing with Juliet Iwelunmor

Do not lose sight of those who dream, those who begin, next to coconut trees they drink at their will. Pain they already know, joy they know too, yet still they begin even if with their dreams again. Some mornings they will begin with a dance, those full of pride for the day, those in praise for the month of May, those that provoke like the sun and its rays, those that challenge what it means to begin again, those that teach how to close a door in the end. They know themselves, and those they know more dearly, those they see too more clearly like raindrops that gather and spill fresh streams at their feet. It’s a new day, they say, for those who dream every day, and life even in the end, better get out of their way.

I’m inspired by how things end. The end of everything including life is inevitable. So I am inspired by how things end. The journey towards becoming Innovative Tools to Expand HIV Testing in Nigeria, also known as the 4 youth by youth project, began after so many strings of failure for me.

A little over 10 years ago, I was writing and writing everything I could think of to address HIV prevention interventions in Nigeria, from a sustainable way and nearly all my ideas failed. Actually with the exception of a clear focus on sustainability though for another condition, every single grant I wrote on HIV prevention in Nigeria failed. But we pressed on and met Professor Ezechi thanks to an introduction by Professor Ogedegbe and also met Professor Tucker, thanks to an introduction to Professor Conserve. I share this to say, nothing in this thing called research is by accident. The most crucial thing you would need are people and like family you better know who is for you and not for you.

This journey started with so many who signed on to the bandwagon, signed on and maybe even lost themselves even as we made sense of ourselves. But those who stand at the end of the journey, those who remain are the true heirs of what it means to preserve even if nothing makes sense. What began as introductions, ends now as a family and we know our people clearly as night is as distinct from day.

I will never ever stand in people’s ways. That is probably the one thing few know about me. The space we were in was suffocating. That is the few things many will know about the story of how we got to the end. Yet even at this moment, the good water we will all drink, like my mother’s says all the time, will never pass you by and I see that clearly now.

So here is to the end of a journey where we begin to close our what is perhaps the greatest joy of my research productivity. What began as an impossible dream, now comes to an end thanks to the tireless efforts of so many standing at this crucial end. It’s never how a journey begins they say, never who comes or leaves as the journey moves along, but those who stand next to you as the journey comes to an end.

I have been processing what it means to let things go. Processing too how to let people go. The circle has to be small in this next phase, has to be intentional and purposeful too. If I am not reaching out. It’s not you but me. If I am and you are still unchanged, then it’s you not me. The journey ahead is still long. Nkiruka like the Igbos would say and we are pressing on towards what we know is greater for our future. Until it all makes sense, we are keeping this here to say, in the end, close the door gently. All things must end. It’s never how you begin, but how you end and I am so grateful that this door has finally closed as gently as the raindrops I see outside my window. And those who remain, all of you that never lost sight of the fight that remains, are the true MVPs of what it means to be united as one like any family you meet. Are we perfect. Far from it. I would rather take our imperfections than deceit or false pretense. That perhaps is the great lessons of all. Know your people well. I am learning and this time the strength that resides with the few I call my own, is as deep as any passing thunder. Don’t come for us and do close the door gently when you leave.