Writing with Juliet Iwelunmor

Exactly 10 years ago, at around 5:30am, we gave birth to a boy whom we would later name our gift from God. Chiwetel was as beautiful as any sunny day. Lotanna and mama visited us later that morning. I still vividly recall Lotanna in her pink dress and pink tights, with spiky threaded hair, the type that just stood tall, holding unto him and declaring for anyone to hear that he is hers and only hers. Later that evening one of our close families in Urbana Champaign would visit and pray for us, for safe delivery and of course our gift called Chiwetel. This day is forever etched in my memory as I remember saying to myself what a lucky baby. On day 1, not only is his sister proclaiming that he belongs to her, this gift from God, but others were praying and thanking God for this gift he choose to give to us.

Looking back through the past 10 years, Chiwetel has indeed become more than I could ever imagine or hope for. He is my peace when storms come. I often say storms have nothing on me. Not when we have seen the ends of the earth and somehow still stand with Chiwetel. Life doesn’t faze me too. It may startle me, push me around but nothing still has come close to all the way we have been pushed and pushed with our gift from God. I am often asked where then does my strengths come from? How am I able to cope or balance work when many barely scratch the surface. My answer always, my children, Chiwetel in particular. When you have lived life with a child on a spectrum, when you have seen what life can do, how it can manage to become itself even when all else seems to fail, you will understand why balance matters to me, why our gift from God taught us so much on how to do it well.

Here was a child kicked out of school at the age of 2. Imagine that for yourself with your own son. Struggle for us began early and to see how we have adjusted and accommodated life as a beautiful struggle is the reason why nothing fazes me. I am at my best, my worst too, when navigating life as a mother, especially with a son on the spectrum. On the outside he looks amazing, he speaks well, asks questions, gives eye contact and maybe even shows a little empathy towards you. To see all this and more is to remember the early days when we had no words. My son barely spoke at the age of 3. He was already kicked out of a Christian day care at 2 and we had gone through a strict gluten and casein diet before he turned 4. I learnt about children’s diet and gut health from him. Learnt about applied behavioral therapy from him. Read about play therapy on my own for him. And included music therapy into a regime for him. We were one of the lucky ones that intervened early. Kicking us out of school helped. I still remember that day vividly and sitting in my car crying after picking him up.

We lived in Georgia at that time and I was given a number to call for early intervention by the school that kicked us out. I called while siting in the parking lot. The lady was kind enough to listen to me cry and then proceeded to help us. She asked what I did for a living. I said I was a Professor. She asked about dad and I shared what he did. She told me our son would be okay. We should simply use the gifts we received from God on him. That conversation unlocked what I never knew I had in me. I poured my soul into everything early intervention related and though he still was not speaking by 3, we were making some progress or so I thought. Moving to Missouri would help push us beyond anything. Meeting with Dr. Anu too at SSM DePaul. I still recall our first encounter and Chiwetel’s obsession of a cross hanging on the wall in her office. Her staff took it down, gave it to him and he calmed down. She reminded me that children on the spectrum have a spiritual side to them and that we should also nurture it. We did.

Here was a boy who barely spoke at 3 but by 4, after help from Dr Anu and ABA therapy from Thrive as well as attendance at a special needs school in St Louis, Chiwetel could say all the words in the daily mass, the holy communion portion being his favorite. The day after he was kicked out of school. I took him to the park to play and just work with him to make sense of our future together. The shirt he was wearing which I didn’t realize until we got to the park had these words inscribed on it “Look on the Bright Side.” For the past 10 years, we have been looking on the bright side with you Chiwetel. April is Autism Awareness/Acceptance month and I am so grateful that your story is one of perseverance and struggles as well as what can happen when we look on the bright side always with children on the spectrum. Thank you for the past 10 years of our life. You are indeed our gift from God. I can’t wait to celebrate you today to proclaim to you too, why the bright side is always better with you. Always.

Happy Birthday Our Gift From God…