Writing with Juliet Iwelunmor

Today, I get to reflect a bit about my journey to light. I get to sit first with myself and ask my dear self, why did we create all this? Tears are flowing. Who even asked us to be the light, to spread it and love it as if it was air. I am trying to write these words, not as a letter, not as a message, not even for the history, but more so to understand what liberated me in this way. June Jordan once wrote, if you are free, you are not predictable, you are not controllable. Writing as I do her, has indeed freed my soul that I get to reflect once more on my why with eyes full of tears. The temporary tales of struggles are just that temporary. The lasting tales of success too are just that, lasting. But in between there is so much to keep, so much to wonder, and ask, still with so much wonder that its shakes your soul. Even the struggles, the hurdles, the triumphs, all still nestled with struggles, do not amount to much unless these things begin first with some battle with your soul. For when you yield, when you have wrestled with the devil and somehow live to tell the story of the battle, with eyes still full of tears, then life itself must take on a new meaning. It’s this meaning, like rivers that flow, deep down mines of gold, closing in to the center of one’s being, that leads me to the everlasting notion, that what we keep, even if for ourselves first, matters. I am in qthe art of keeping what matters and words, those that allow me to reflect my community, my life, are in solidarity with the air I breathe. All the things we keep, even in tears, are in solidarity with the air we breathe.

I wrote the above this morning. What follows are my thoughts this evening. I was in a space where I finally reflected on my journey thus far. I did so my way and shared all that filled my heart. Time seemed to go on forever. But my heart was full. Joyful, light, grateful, that finally, I get to reveal the fullness of thoughts building up and bubbling overtime. The remarks and questions that followed, filled my eyes with tears. I did my best to hold them back but if I could I would have cried. For once, I felt I was finally in a community. A sense of community and unity and joy and fullness for all that I am and can be, now that I live in fullness and joy, unity and community with the people I see and connect with. Tears filled my eyes as I went back to my chair. I realized I have been bottling this speech for over a year. Few know how the journey to this space began. Few witnessed too the hurdles along the way. Many may see triumph and success. But I know the tears I have kept to myself for close to a year. This time last year. Everything was crumbling. People I thought I could count on were counting for themselves first. I was in an island all alone and somehow, an unexpected lifeline lifted me out of what seemed impossible. As I write this, tears still fill my eyes. I am leaning in, listening in, to my hearts yearning, grateful too, for all those who took the time to allow these dreams in my heart to do as dreams do. Dream. The gentleness and kindness, connections and closeness, understanding and connecting, brought me to a space that can only be described as dreams. I am a living proof that dreams can save. And as these tears keep falling, i am listening still and thanking my dreams for all they have freely given to me. All things I am keeping today, still in tears, are solidarity with the air I breathe.