Writing with Juliet Iwelunmor

The thing I love most are words. I am learning that now. The idea of looking through the day and finding words to keep in a way that lifts my spirits, your own, is a gift. Sometimes these words come to me like a prayer. Strings of words form in my mind and out to the world as if in a trance. There are no patterns. Only a promise. Some are led by the greatest writers of our time, Toni Morrison, for me these days. Others are led by God. Dancing happens then with my mind. What I write down, is the music of my mind. Many which urge me to begin again always. This past week was a difficult one personally. I wrote so many words full of anger. I didn’t share any.

Writing though, as I have been doing now here for the past three years, is a gift that keeps giving. When the incoherent message I received arrived on Monday, I began to write and write. Looking back, I am glad I did that. There were words full of anger. Efforts were made to bring out everything to the open. The worst thing anyone can do is to piss off a writer and I was pissed. I spent that first night just writing. I reached out to some brilliant minds and wrote some more. By the morning, after a series of writing both the anger and pain away, I found myself in an indifferent state of mind. Neither angry nor amused. Just indifferent. Solutions and clarity started to ooze from this space. I was amazed.

See while I went to bed angry, while I pressed deeply into that anger and wrote about how it made me feel, I woke up the next day, neither angry nor happy. I was just in a murky middle. Still, the awareness was clear. In writing through the anger, even what seemed at first difficult became so simple it was breathtaking. I reached out to key people. They provided a level of clarity that helped me to proceed with ease. The point of the anger became clear. It helped me articulate myself better. At first it was disarming, I was truly pissed. But over time, the errors of their ways became clear and I was no longer angry for them, just sad.

Looking back at all I wrote but never shared, I see clearly why writing matters. It lets you absorb what you feel deeply. Awareness is high. Feelings too. Then some how you will find yourself releasing it all. The anger, disappointment, and anything else in between. And when you do, you will come out rising again like a Phoenix. The words that came out of me in the keep, but God is a clear indication. To be a woman, use your anger wisely. At that point, I was raised high about their ways. He delights in his children. I knew that deeply. See where they tried to cause pain, he turned it into dancing again. I am dancing with words. Not because there is joy in my heart. But that I remembered, the point of anger. The awareness, the feeling, the release, the rise, all of them led me to this moment. One where, there are only beauty for my ashes. Keep using me.