Writing with Juliet Iwelunmor

How do you find voice in a space that would rather stifle it? How to you even confront the fear of expression knowing that what you say or do can be used against you? They say often that there is a bad side to life in academia. I saw it with my two eyes this week. The view seemed impossible at first. We all work for a higher glory right? Greater good? Yet, how could I find my voice, speak firmly and directly when I have been so accustomed to only veiled ways of expression, abstract and and unclear speeches, emails, that only detract from the stench within. And the stench is deep.

Through these blog, I have been able to keep my heart and soul in check. I have been able to remember the people I belong to, those I am fighting for and what higher glory truly means when your steps are ordered. The blog as I have constructed it, was meant to help me keep something, anything whether as a mother or a professor. I struggled and asked myself whether I deserved freedom from incompetence. That a place could starve your soul from competency was something I choose not to dwell in but the longer I stayed the more I realized I was beginning to forget what it was to work and thrive in a competent environment.

I trained at Penn State University. My alma mater produced F-31 predoctoral students like any river that flowed. I had forgotten this was the norm. I was even being made to feel ashamed that I didn’t want to teach any class. Imagine that. You have so many grants and yet the priority is why you refuse to teach as if the grants are not giving real world teaching and not lip service. I had forgotten what it means to be in an actual research environment that when an opportunity came, I ran and yes with no interviews.

So let me leave this here as the last word for a week that can only be described as appalling. I draw strength for a higher being. I draw courage from ancestors who persevered when nothing else mattered. My legacy and goals are so strong and secure that your actions illuminated why this pivot was crucial. You have made this transition a symbol of what perseverance looks like, the one all my ancestors hoped for but could never achieve. Their blood runs deep in me. I see this past week as my surrender week, a reminder week, too of the power within me. I surrender all. It’s also befitting that Beyoncé started this week for me. She closes it out still, with me saying loud and clear so you hear me roar of how you will never take my power. This, this is what I am keeping.